Communicating: An interchange of one’s thoughts and feelings with another’s thoughts and feelings.

“Parents don’t really accept their children’s feelings.”

~ Adele Faber
Author, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen

Tactics
Technology is the scapegoat for our children’s less communicative natures; but is it really? Could a childrearing culture that transforms our conversations from repartees to Q&A’s be to blame? You know the conversations, “How did you do on? What do you have for? Who won?” And do we have a tendency to invalidate our children’s feelings when we communicate as Adele Faber, author of How To Talk So Kids Will Listen contends? Communicating is an important life skill, but the hidden attribute of communicating for children is that it allows them to talk about their feelings and it validates whom they are and fosters the development of their inner self. If you don’t listen for your children’s feelings when you are talking with them, they won’t learn how to listen for other people’s feelings in their conversations. It is a parent’s job to ensure that children are taught and modeled the vital life skill of communicating: listening respectfully, learning to acknowledge what they hear, including feelings, knowing the boundaries of what is appropriate and what is not, and so on. Reports from the workplace indicate that the Milennials are not skilled communicators and need coaching about when it is appropriate to talk and about what with their superiors, their clients, and other team members. As a parent, make an effort, therefore, to create the settings where they will learn these skills: shared meals, dessert three times a week, or having family guests to dinner is a start, as is car or phone time. Use local or national events to stimulate a dialogue. Ask your children what they think. They need your interest and curiosity to help them develop enough confidence to trust their own judgment. Don’t lose their interest with your disapproval. Model how to balance the conversation to include everyone and their interests. Communicating well has enormous power and as adults your children will need this skill to negotiate their lives.