Compromise: Finding the solution with another to move forward.

“The range of what we say and do is limited by what we fail to notice.”

~ Daniel Goleman, Vital Lies, Simple Truths

“Some of the skills to manage relationships are being lost through the process. With one exception, every one of my friends that got married before they were 26 are now divorced.”
~ Young adult, thirty-something

Tactics
Gravity in the hothouse home pulls children to the center. When children feel they are the center, they can have a disproportionate and unearned sense of their power and an unhealthy sense of self-love. Self centered people tend to find it hard to compromise, because they have a distorted sense of who they are and their own intelligence; they believe they are always “right.” Knowing how to compromise is difficult because they are less in touch with their own feelings and the feelings of those around them. Their Emotional Intelligence (EQ, Emotional Intelligence Quotient as defined by Daniel Goleman) is low. The result is an ingrained difficulty in managing their emotions and the emotions of others. iIf you don’t really understand the makeup of someone’s position – the substance and the emotions that drive it - you will not be able to build the trust necessary to move toward a resolution. A graduate survey conducted by JobsFactory found that for graduates two years out “bad social relationships” are the main reason for leaving a job. So, what can you do? First, help your children to understand others points of view. Ask them why they think someone feels the way they do. In your interactions with your child model the art of compromise. Make a point of understanding their point of view; share your point of view including your feelings or concerns, and offer options that might incorporate both points of view. For example, if your child wants to stay up to watch a late night TV show find out why they like it, explain your concerns about their needs for rest and offer options to tape the show for later or trade off a late night when getting up early isn’t required. If two of your children are fighting over something, ask them to go into another room, to listen to their siblings point of view, to restate it including the feelings and then to see if they can work on an agreement. They may not be able to reach an agreement, but it will take them the first step into the other’s shoes.