Empathy: The ability to see, to understand and to know the feelings of another.

“Hothouse kids don’t learn how to think about people; they are very focused on themselves and don’t develop the necessary skills of empathy, in part because they aren’t required to.”

~ Dr. Rochelle Friedman, Psychiatrist

“Education worthy of the name is essentially education of character.”

                                     ~ Martin Buber, Philosopher

Tactics

The Chinese call it having, “a reasoning heart.” Children will recognize emotions when emotions are recognized in their homes. With all the focus on how our children are “doing,” feelings can get sidelined and can be inconveniently in the path of what we think is right for our children. The Chinese captured the essence: if we put the emphasis on developing our children’s hearts, it will be in their nature to be empathetic. Psychologist Bea Jones suggests that the best learners are those that are “knowledgeable, self-determined, strategic, and empathetic.” Qualities of the heart therefore such as kindness, helpfulness, thinking of others, generosity, honesty and affection will help our children to develop their empathy. Research also encourages us to help our children to understand the effects of their actions on others, teaching them to apologize and encouraging them to discuss their feelings and problems. Bribing our children for desired behavior is discouraged, putting the focus on the reward versus the behavior and their understanding of why it is importance. Paying for chores around the house could send the message that its not your child’s responsibility to contribute to a community’s well being. Paying for grades can deflect the learning from one about your child’s ability to achieve their personal best to one about the parents needs for success as reflected in an “A.”