Grit: Having the fortitude, knowledge and experience to persevere and to rebound in the face of adversity.

“A person rises by that by which they fall.”

~ Buddhist saying

“The kids are not willing to grapple with material as long as they used to. Their lives move so quickly. They are not used to staying with something for very long.”

~ Teacher, New England Preparatory School

Tactics

Are we teaching our children the rewards of grit and as the Buddhist saying implies; that life’s challenges have a duality to them; they can lift us up or throw us down? We can be taught to accept challenges or to fear them. A focus on grades over effort can cause a child to be fearful of situations where they feel they might not be successful. Milennials in the workplace care far more about performance reviews than their predecessors. Companies are adapting to this need, however, much of life does not offer routine, clear feedback and requires perseverance just to stay the course and to meet the challenges along the way. To some extent we are living in a childrearing culture that obfuscates challenges. We hire tutors at the hint of the slightest problem, instead of letting our children grapple or learn how to find help on their own. We put tutors on retainer just to give our kids an edge or to ensure that they not lose one. In doing so, we are teaching our children that success is easier than it is. Carol Dweck, Professor or Psychology at Columbia University found in her research that the ability to face challenges wasn’t about the skills you brought to a task, but about the mindset you brought. Our children will never develop the mindset to grit it out, if we are preoccupied with sheltering them from life’s struggles. It is the very pains of life that will make them strong and give them the backbone, stamina and resolve to expect the long haul and to not quit if they are not gratified with tangible success in the short run. An article in the Wall Street Journal recently referred to an interview at an Ivy League school where, at the start of the interview, the student asked the interviewer to tell him about the lifestyle at the firm. The student didn’t get a call back. Sure we all want a good life, but we aren’t entitled to one. Said another way Denzel Washington tells his children, “You do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do.” At this point in their lives, your child’s school obligations are their jobs. So, helping them to understand the benefits of parsing out work for a big project over the course of a week to free up time on their weekends to relax, is doing “what they have to do, so they can do what they want to do.”