Integrity & Moral Code: A set of principles, beliefs and values to guide one’s actions.

“The prevailing concern of parents today is not what the child ought to believe and to live up to, but what is “best” for the child’s academic success ”
                                                     ~ Dr. Robert Coles

Pulitzer Prize winning child psychologist

“The definition of what is cheating has been changing, and fudging seems to be the way of the world now. It’s not an encouraging sign.”
                             ~ Lee Stetson, Dean of Admissions

University of Pennsylvania

Tactics

More than ever it is important to be deliberate about the values you instill in your child. If not, they will infer them from the culture and mores around them.  It isn’t enough to tell them what is right and wrong, you need to demonstrate it with your actions. Helping your child to write their essay for a school application is wrong. What your child will take away from this is that you – who they respect – are sanctioning them taking similar risks and liberties in their lives.

An example being what is widely reported as prevalent cheating in schools today. In a study of high achieving high school students conducted by U.S. News and World Report, 80 percent of respondents said that cheating was necessary to stay on top in school. Therefore, the fear of not achieving can be more compelling than the reward of accomplishment with integrity. In a focus group we ran, children said that the majority of the kids that cheat are the ones that either already have the grade and are afraid of losing it or fearful of their parent’s reactions. A moral code anchors your children in a set of values that will guide their decisions for life. Honesty, accountability, kindness, doing unto others and responsibility is the short list. Imbuing these into your children’s lives is not optional these days; it is essential and your responsibility.

Dr. Robert Coles, author of Raising Moral Children encourages using stories like those told in the Bible as a source. “Stories encourage the moral imagination to work,” he contends. “They are concrete and connected to everyday experience. Abstract formulations are in one ear and out the next.” Dr. Coles also reminds us that the historical roots of many schools such as Harvard University were based on building character, but today the emphasis has shifted to the “acquisition of knowledge.” This void therefore needs to be filled and it is the moral imperative of parents to do so.

Make an effort therefore to expose your children to people who embody the values you want them to have through spiritual leaders, friends you admire or those in public life. Don’t make right and wrong a blurry vision in their lives. Bring questions of ethics into your dinner conversations; the media is filled with them. Teach your children to have a sense of connectedness and responsibility for the community around them and for their country. Teach them to show respect for their elders, to stand for the national anthem, to offer help to someone with a disability, and to stand up for their beliefs. Remember, they will follow your lead.