“It is not in the still calm of life that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. ….Great difficulties call out great virtues.”

~ Abigail Adams’ letter to her 13 year old son John Quincy Adams, January 19, 1780 as his father John Adams was struggling diplomatically in Paris.

Tactics:
We can help our children recognize their sources of resilience. The Resilience Project found that some of the most common adversities that children face in their lives include: death of a parent/grandparent; divorce or separation of parents; a family illness/disability, moving away from family and friends; social, academic and athletic struggles.

The first source of resilience is called I HAVE –the external supports and resources available to the child that lay foundation of support, security and safely.

I HAVE: A family that provides unconditional love and support; a family who encourages me to do things on my own; who helps me when I am sick or in danger. I have friends and people whom I can trust; who demonstrate the right way to do things and the right way to behave. A Mom can remind her child “I have a family that loves me and I have friends and teachers who care about me.”

The second source of resilience is I AM –the child’s internal personal strength, the feelings, attitudes and beliefs within a child.

I AM lovable, and people like me. I am a good, caring person and I am glad to do nice things for others. A Mom can remind a down & discouraged child “what a good brother/sister and son/daughter they are to the family and friend to others.

The third source of resilience is the I CAN –the child’s social and interpersonal skills, the skills learned through communicating with others our concerns.

I CAN express my feelings and thoughts to others and let them know what is troubling or frightening me. I can find ways to solve problems that I face and I can seek the guidance of those who care about me. A Mom can remind a child “I can tell my Mom what is bothering me & seek her advice; I can ask my teachers for help when it need it.”

Site the statistics of their favorite athlete and let them know how often they have failed in each game/sport.

Our children will not always succeed in life. As a parent, you need to accept this universal fact. Tell her/him of your difficult times and how you overcame them; who much you learned from your mistakes.